To try or not to try again: a conversation via text

Today 8:47 AM

Sweet Pea: I want to try again

Me: If only it didn’t mean giving up coffee… sigh.

Sweet Pea: LOL! If only it didn’t mean potentially giving up sleep!

Me: Or giving up coffee and sleep – for nothing!

Sweet Pea: Yeah

Sweet Pea: It’s only if we are both on board of course

Me: No, I want to try and I am incredibly scared.  You may have to be willing to endure sarcasm as I mask my pain – are you willing?

Me: I give up coffee and you endure sarcasm – sounds like we will both be suffering.

Sweet Pea: Lol. I am on board

Me: Ok.

Me: I will have to continue moving toward our goal of moving (or get clarity with you on whether we are actually going).  I can’t put all my eggs (no pun intended!) in one basket.

Sweet Pea: I think we can do both

Sweet Pea: I want the ocean

Me: I’m unable to focus – literally shaking by the decision to try again.  I want to – I took a prenatal vitamin and texted X – but I can’t stop shaking and I am literally unable to make a pancake for Little Bear – about to throw out the batter I tried to make.  I think I’m having a trauma response.

Sweet Pea: Oh honey.  Just remember that we don’t have to.

Sweet Pea: Our lives are full enough

Me: I want to. And I’m having this response.  Shit.

Sweet Pea: Yeah. I wish I could help.  I wish I could do it.

Me: We are at Modern Times. Wish you were here.  Still all shaky and out of it. Gave up trying to make pancakes at home.

Sweet Pea: Glad you had a back up. Sorry this is so hard.

Me: It’s crazy.

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