Today 8:47 AM
Sweet Pea: I want to try again
Me: If only it didn’t mean giving up coffee… sigh.
Sweet Pea: LOL! If only it didn’t mean potentially giving up sleep!
Me: Or giving up coffee and sleep – for nothing!
Sweet Pea: Yeah
Sweet Pea: It’s only if we are both on board of course
Me: No, I want to try and I am incredibly scared. You may have to be willing to endure sarcasm as I mask my pain – are you willing?
Me: I give up coffee and you endure sarcasm – sounds like we will both be suffering.
Sweet Pea: Lol. I am on board
Me: I will have to continue moving toward our goal of moving (or get clarity with you on whether we are actually going). I can’t put all my eggs (no pun intended!) in one basket.
Sweet Pea: I think we can do both
Sweet Pea: I want the ocean
Me: I’m unable to focus – literally shaking by the decision to try again. I want to – I took a prenatal vitamin and texted X – but I can’t stop shaking and I am literally unable to make a pancake for Little Bear – about to throw out the batter I tried to make. I think I’m having a trauma response.
Sweet Pea: Oh honey. Just remember that we don’t have to.
Sweet Pea: Our lives are full enough
Me: I want to. And I’m having this response. Shit.
Sweet Pea: Yeah. I wish I could help. I wish I could do it.
Me: We are at Modern Times. Wish you were here. Still all shaky and out of it. Gave up trying to make pancakes at home.
Sweet Pea: Glad you had a back up. Sorry this is so hard.
Me: It’s crazy.